A closing note- I will always be grateful for how you found me young and confused and gave me a home. A home that included long days lying in the sun while listening to the waves, late night walks through the quietest part of town. A home in your heart that helped me through all my teenage insecurities and that fought for me, for us, every step of the way despite what any one in our families thought or said. It has always amazed me a bit that a single hello that was nearly shouted to be heard over the music all those years ago led us to this point, took us through so many amazing, crazy, and life changing moments. I’ve always prided myself on being headstrong and independent though I will admit now that for the first time in my life I feel truly lost. This isn’t like the few times this has happened in the past, this is it now…the end. It’s been too long and I’m not sure that I know how to do this on my own, but I will learn as I go.
I keep asking myself if things would have turned out differently had I not followed you. What if I had just stayed home? What if we had been brave enough to be apart? Surely we wouldn’t have grown to resent each other over wasted opportunities and unhappiness but would we have fallen apart for other reasons? In the end it’s pointless to even consider it. Sadly, time cannot be turned back. I have always relied on you to comfort me when life got too hard, you were always my lions den, my safe haven softly reassuring me in hushed words that my life wasn’t falling apart that one day we would be together for eternity, that as long as we had each other the rest of it would be fine.
Despite the fact that I’m currently in a world of hurt and sadness, I will never…could never…utter a single bad word about you. I will always think of you as the boy who walked me home every night, the guy who dropped everything to drive me to North Carolina when my best friend discovered she was pregnant, and the man that I fell madly in love with. I don’t regret a second of it and if given the opportunity I would do it all again without giving it a single thought. I take comfort in knowing that when all was said and done the sadness in your eyes matched my own, telling me that we were both broken and defeated, reassuring me that our decision was the right one. I love you and I always will, but I want our love to be a happy one not a suffering mess that we are forcing along. We’re better than that.
You know me better than anyone and you know that I am a firm believer in fate. If something is meant to be it simply will. I will always keep a good thought for us and if fate finds a way to bring us back together I hope that we meet as we once did, you say hello and I’ll smile back…both naive and careless with our hearts wide open.